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is this CODE GEASS fanart in the making

and a cubist/pseudo�symbolic�one at that? oh MY.

�

��� Itapos;s not that bad for an OMGOMGMECHAS�anime but dear lord UGLIEST character design I have EVER seen. Donapos;t throw Kaiji nor Akagi at me, those were hot because they didnapos;t even have to have an effort to be amazing and angular. CG fails at being both round�and angular jesuschrist, at least the plot holds some interest so far? (in episode 2 still LOL, watch me getting bored of this and not finishing it like Iapos;ve done with so many other hyped up series) sorry guys


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This is what I get when I donapos;t post for a month. Especially the month before my wedding- what the hell was I thinking??

Well, Iapos;ve started my new job at Old National. I love it. Itapos;s going to be great. The people I work with are hilarious- Brent went to school with Marshall (YEARBOOKS, HAHA), Keeli is possibly a future best friend, and Michelle is everybodyapos;s mom. I fit in there somewhere- the quiet, friendly rebel. I park the bike in the parking garage, and work across the street from Kelli. Woo. She knows Iapos;m here- she saw me and Marshall going to lunch the other day, but didnapos;t say anything. Smart little crazy parasitic cunt.

But... Oh, my car. Good god. Marshall and I tried to change the oil last weekend, and he accidentally drained the transmission fluid instead. So I have no transmission fluid, and lots of oil. No wonder she wouldnapos;t move, and we panicked, and spent the ENTIRE day at Romain trying to trade his car in on two more. DIdnapos;t work. Marshall crashed, wanted to die. I wasnapos;t happy either. He was BITCHING that he couldnapos;t get his bike (more on that in a second). And then the next morning, we realized our error, and fixed it. Ta-da. Car works fine. Then I added a touch of coolant to the reservoir. Um... Apparently thatapos;s a really bad idea, because she went splodey. Radiatorapos;s fucked. We spent hours trying to figure that out, and finally had to give it to Keeliapos;s boyfriend Larry to fix. Fingers crossed...

But Marshall got the bright idea to buy another bike. WHY, I donapos;t know, because we FINALLY have money and he just wants to spend it all. So he sells Stanley to Nik for 500 less than he paid for it, and put 500 down on a 600RR in Ohio. Now, of course, we have financial issues come up. Go figure. Weapos;ll have to see how it goes.

Seven days. One week. God, Iapos;m worried.

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Not sitting and pondering about Therianthropy and my Theriotype is rather relaxing. I mean I still do think about it but am prompted to do so much less often, so instead of being almost constantly on the lookout for behaviours/habits I just occasionally notice something while I am doing it. Feels more natural to me. :P Hard to describe sometimes.
And it is something I have been thinking for a while now, first with my inclinations toward "spiritually I am Jaguar (now I replace this with Lioness) but psychologically I seem to have a connection to all cats." Reading Padfootapos;s essay "Itapos;s okay not to be a Therianthrope" really pushed at my brain too. I do still think I am a felid-person, likely Lioness, in the Therianthropic sense. But in the non-Therianthropic sense I feel as if I am a cat-person, I have this connection with felids that I do not seem to have with other creatures. I am far from a cat behaviourist but I get along with most domesticated ones very well. My own room mateapos;s cat likes me more than she likes him now, even though he is very devoted and is the one who feeds her. And there have been many instances of stray cats just coming right up to me and demanding to be petted, avoiding every other person in the group I might be with. I go up to them as well, stray or just outdoors with a collar, and have never had a problem (I know when not to pet the kitty)
I think thereapos;s more to explore here, but yeah.

Kinda not as involved in my spiritual life right now, still doing plenty of reading and research but almost no actual practise. Not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. I was given some clear mandates though and I still need to go through with them, I think after I have completed my tasks I will feel more drawn to it once more. My very broad area of pre-Christian pagan study has left me with strong pulls in some directions. There is still the strong pull of Germanic paganism, that is from the mainland, but also further East too. Latvian, Estonian, Lithuanian. Baltic. Which in turn leads me to research what I can of Russian paganism, as it had an influence on it. But mostly I am drawn to that specific area. I know it does not entirely matter, I guess, but I was so very set on making a rather general personal reconstruction based on the lands of my familial ancestry. And then I found out on Thanksgiving that while part of my motherapos;s family tree indeed does come from Germany (and western parts at that, undoubtedly plenty of Frank blood/influence in there too,) it is just the most researched half. The other part actually comes from lands much closer to where my fatherapos;s part of my family tree comes from. It all seems to be focused on that strip, starting at the south part of the Baltic sea (Poland, Latvia, Lithuania) and spreading down a bit (Romania, Ukraine.) Bwa. Considering I really do feel as if it is my long-ago and ancient ancestors pulling me in this direction, it is a nice affirmation in my head. Anyways. That sort of paganism is really difficult to research and I know I will never be spot on or completely free of modern influences, but I do believe in a living religion and know in my heart that I will be guided down the right paths. Already I am finding parallels to Freyja and Frigg. Well it is more spread out, there is not one specific deity I can point to and say "that is the same one." But there are a group which have the traits. And a really interesting point is that in much of the surviving folklore from those areas, birds are the guides for spirits to the land of the dead. I am (so far) personally interpreting this as birds being guides for the spirit world in general, in-part thanks to my own experiences with visualizations, but of course I could be entirely off the mark. Ah well.

Mostly my life consists of eat, work, sleep. Well and hooping. Cleared space in the basement now that it is cold out, and hopefully getting a new hoop today

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Being the age that i am. 19.
youapos;d think that by now iapos;d be over the fact that heapos;s better than me.
but iapos;m not.
we have the same genes.
we are more related to each other�than we are to our parents.
yet, how do i fail at the things he succeeds at?
i wish i was smarter.
i wish i didnapos;t sink down to just the bare minium.
i wish i could do things as well as him.
have been and always will be jealous of him.


i donapos;t know what to do with myself.
it always turns out that when i think i did my best and tried my hardest, itapos;s not good enough for someone in authority. Someone who has the ability to fail me.
half the time i donapos;t understand what these people want from us.
fuck it.
who needs em....

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That is, this homemaker...

So, my mom calls and tells me about her trip to the flea market with my brother and his son, M.

Mom tells me that my brother� was excited. "He found a pirate shirt for M, and it fit perfectly."

I picture M in a white, long puffy sleeved shirt, perhaps with�wide swaying ruffles down the front.� In my mindapos;s eye, M looks rogueish with his golden curls, broad shoulders, wide cheekbones and perpetually golden skin.�

Itapos;s a great image, but, while I can picture Mapos;s body and face dressed as a pirate, I canapos;t picture M, himself,�dressing as a pirate. Heapos;s not a Lord of the Rings kindaapos; guy.� Heapos;s more into basketball and football... And my broapos; would�NEVER buy anything that might�remotely be construed as feminine.�

I smile, amused and bemused by my visions.

My mom tells me about the man selling VHS movies�for�$5 per 8 tapes.� She bought dozens.

Then she returns to the shirt. "M was really pleased with the shirt too. It had his name on the back. Of�course it was really the playerapos;s last name, and guyapos;s number too."

Oh.
Iapos;m somehow disappointed.� M really would look good in a pirate shirt.
And Pittsburgh Pirates shirts are so mundane and common.

MY�son would plunder for a pirate shirt.� �

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So I have this midterm coming up and Iapos;m stressing like crazy. I only have two days to study because I just found out that itapos;s THIS�FRIDAY GAH

So what do I do now? I sleep and pretend that it is not going to be this Friday. I want to go to work so I can make money (duh). I am sick and it sucks really bad. I have this horrible cough that can make the whole floor wake up because its so wretched.

My friends Vanessa and Jake are going down south this weekend. Iapos;m a little bit jealous because I want to go visit Chanrith after midterms, but...I canapos;t. Vanessa is taking a plane and Jake is driving, but with his cousin. And I�really donapos;t want to go with them; maybe just Jake because� I know him better.

Mmmm....I just want time to stop for a little bit. Kenny told me I should take care of myself. Donapos;t let my eating disorder kill me. Haha, I thought that was a little funny because it probably will be the death of me XD

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You know what I hate? Is when,you own family- doesnt even know you. Suckish right? Yes,I totaly think so.

Well,as of right now- Iapos;m watching the episode of oth were Lucas is hosting the party for Nathan after the accident.
Awww,I just love how Brooke gets so jealous when she sees Lucas hug Peyton- which is totaly disgusting,yuckk. Sorry L/PERS ;]

My day so far has been,pretty normal.
How was yours?

xo- bbn.

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Recently, someone told me i was terrible at speed, and why am i playing it, but iapos;m just doing it to have fun and because i can play like 10 games in half an hour as opposed to 1. So i got up to freaking like 1945 by playing speed games on isc (i mean how bad could i suck?), but iapos;m losing it again. Yesterday i played shaunpun, destroyed him the first game by getting a lucky triple triple and then lost 4 games in a row. I got more and more angry, especially because he kept matching me. What, am i that easy of fodder, trying to drain my points? i think he was only at like 1830. Anyway, he got me under 1900, matched me again, and i finally won my last game by finding the best bingo iapos;ve ever found AABGIL? through a Y.

i just got back from weezer. It was the most awesome show ever. The only regrettable thing was that horrible angels and airwaves band. Tom, YOU SUCK.

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If you have a large, mysterious gap in your employment history, (Iapos;m not mentioning either my kitchen assistant job OR my ill-fated Supervisorapos;s position,) is it wise to write a reason on your CV, or just leave it and explain to the job agency? I have a gap from May to now, and was thinking of saying I had time off for illness/I was taking care of my grandmother. (That isnapos;t a lie, but it isnapos;t the truth, either.)

Or should I make up a complete load of bullshit and say I was travelling? Though I suppose theyapos;d ask me about wherever Iapos;d been. I know enough about certain places to lie convincingly (and, as any addict, I am a superb liar.)

*sigh*

Anyway; any helpful hints?

Or should I just tell the ABSOLUTE truth? I donapos;t think thatapos;s wise, because my alcohol problem will be mentioned, and that immediately screams out NO To any prospective employer.


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